Cascadia Journal

In the United States, our citizens pride themselves on the constitutional rights that they enjoy.  We hold up the Bill of Rights as a symbol of how people everywhere should live.  We are colloquially known as “The Land of the Free”.  We “hold these rights to be self-evident, that all men are created equal.”  We are “endowed by their Creator with certain unalienable Rights, that among these are Life, Liberty and the pursuit of Happiness.”  But when it comes to who we are allowed to marry, some of us are no longer free to choose to marry the one we love.

I am a man.  My orientation happens to be that I am attracted to women.  Through some happy coincidence of life, that happens to be the majority situation in our culture.  My mind tells me “Yuck” when I think about what it might be like to have sex with another man.  But if the man who is my neighbor is such that he is happy mating with another man, and does not prefer women, I do not see how it would be possible for me to try to legislate whether or not he should be allowed to do that.  I do not see where it would be any of my business.

Nor do I see why it should be the business of most of the people who opposed California Proposition 8, and other similar measures around the country.  I do understand how many people would not be comfortable thinking about gay couples and what they might be doing in their bedroom.  I am not particularly comfortable dwelling on those thoughts.  But I respect the right that anyone should be able to have to do what they will with anyone of their choosing.  What place is it of mine to tell someone who they are allowed to love?

Like many commentators, I could babble on with inflammatory speech about how awful it is that some people want to take away the rights of others.  But I will not.  I want to understand why these people feel this way.  I want to hear their reasons, without the “sound-bite” sort of inflammatory speech that both sides have been using, why people are so against gay marriage.

I think I have an open enough mind.  I just need the answers to a few questions.  For example:

• First, I understand that many people in America have deeply held religious convictions against homosexuality.  I can respect your right to a freedom to practice your own religion.  I can understand that you would like to “spread the good word” and encourage others to share and practice the beliefs of your faith.  That is certainly a noble goal.  What I want to understand is why you feel the need to legislate your beliefs and to force them onto other people.  Why do you need to do that?

• I have seen in a number of articles that some married folks feel threatened by the potential of two men or two women being married.  Why is that? You will be just as married.  No one will question the dedication you might have for your mate.  Yes, homosexual couples will have the same right of “being married” as heterosexual couples.  But just how exactly does that make the heterosexual marriage experience any different?

• Opponents of gay marriage worry that their children will be “exposed” to information about homosexuals, and will encounter situations where gay marriage is described in a favorable manner.  I do understand the need for some parents to protect their children from people who they think are bad examples.  In everyday life, your children are exposed to people with a variety of skin colors and a variety of cultural systems.  In everyday life, your children are exposed to Christians and Muslims and Hindus and Buddhists and Pagans and others.   Unless they live a very sheltered life, they will find thieves and drunks and drug users and other criminals at their schools — and even among their classmates.  Our children see a lot of things (and a lot of people unlike themselves) that we will have a difficult time “protecting” them from.  What exactly are we trying to accomplish from hiding gay people from our children?

• Some people once believed that a person could “become gay” by being talked into it, or by being convinced by someone that it would be a fun thing to do, or by some sort of brainwashing.  In this day and age, it is more-or-less universally accepted that sexual orientation is something that a person is born with.  it is a trait that cannot be “learned” or “unlearned” any more than left-handedness can be learned or unlearned.  Do you still believe that myth?  Is there some other reason you think that someone could be changed one way or the other?  I would be interested in what you think.

• It makes sense to me that a person who follows a religious path such as Christianity would abhor homosexuality.  Yes, I am familiar with many of the verses from the Bible that discourage or prohibit the act.  I have always encouraged those who hold these religious beliefs to not engage in any activity that is contrary to their beliefs.  in that sense, I would expect that a follower of christianity would generally not consider a gay marriage.  However, there are a great many people who do not share the same beliefs.  this includes a great many folks who have upstanding ethical systems, just not necessarily a conservative Christian ethical system.  Why would you require others to follow this system?

I am interested in the opinions of others and how they feel on the issues.  During this campaign season, I have seen many short, snappy arguments in both directions on this issue, but I do not really understand the feelings of those so violently against gay marriage.

I would appreciate it if someone can explain to me, in a language I can understand, the answers to some of my questions.  I have tried to only state the facts as I understand them, trying not to be too inflammatory.  I am in search of what might be the answer to this issue, and look for someone who might be able to explain it rationally.

It is very easy for the pro-gay-marriage side to claim discrimination.  It may be, but I also believe that the anti-gay-marriage folks don’t really see it that way.  I will give them credit for their intelligent opinions.  But I am VERY curious as to what those opinions are in relation to responses to the pro-gay-marriage arguments.

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